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Sexual needs and the story of frequency of intercourse
Sexual life is an important part of human life and is also a very normal need of ours. Each person has probably thought about sexual needs and wondered about frequency at least once, right?
Many people always wonder how much sex is reasonable for them; how much is enough for a couple; or whether they are "normal" compared to others. People really want to know if their relationship is healthy. They always wonder if they are meeting their partner's needs or if their partner is meeting their needs? Is it too much or too little?
Sometimes the fastest way to find the answer is to ask your partner, but not everyone is open enough or knows how to lead their sexual story. So we always look for answers outside, from friends, from strangers instead of asking our partners. But at least they’ve spun their circular thinking into a question, suggesting that they think their relationship might be in danger because of this concern.
Differential Desires
The question of sexual frequency often comes up when one partner is less than satisfied with the amount of sex they’re having. This differential desire occurs when one partner wants more or less than the other, which is common in committed relationships. It’s also possible that both partners are dissatisfied with the frequency of their sex.
The good news is that marital satisfaction isn’t simply a function of sexual frequency. In fact, couples are more concerned about the quality of their sex than about how often they have sex. Some interesting “facts” about sexual needs are shown in some studies on marital satisfaction below, which share that:
In general, frequency and satisfaction decrease as couples stay together longer. [1]
Sexual frequency decreases when we consider other factors such as work, housework, children, physical or physiological factors, other related issues, etc. [1]
Sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction are both inversely correlated with divorce rates. In other words, when one rate increases, the other rate decreases. [2]
A study published in 2015 looked at more than 2,400 married couples and found that in a marital relationship, the more sex a couple has, the happier they are. However, interestingly, happiness peaks when they have sex once a week. [3]
Why is once a week the ideal number?
In general, single people tend to have sex more than those who are married (either married or not). Studies show that the average frequency of sex for married couples is once a week. Age is also a factor in whether our sex drive increases or decreases, and that is largely based on whether our sex hormone levels are high or low.
Most people strive to be happier, and sex is an aspect of life that is associated with increased happiness and pleasure. But too little is bad, and too much is also bad. This limit can be thought of as a relationship equivalent to the law of diminishing returns. This law states that as you add more workers to get the job done, productivity increases, but only up to a point. After that point, efficiency decreases. So having sex once or twice a month may not be enough, and having sex more than once a week does not increase happiness, and may even make you and your partner less interested in sex.
Couples who often think about whether their frequency is “normal” are the ones who seem to be dissatisfied with their sexual needs. However, there are older and more long-term couples, for whom sex will not be as frequent as other young or middle-aged couples, instead, satisfaction is expressed overall in many other ways (caressing gestures, remembering some of the other person's old habits, ...).
This means that you will need to invest in the "quality" of a love affair more than investing in the frequency of sex. Improving skills + balancing sexual frequency will help you (your partner) be satisfied with sex at every stage of the relationship.
Sexual life is an important part of human life and is also a very normal need of ours. Each person has probably thought about sexual needs and wondered about frequency at least once, right?
Many people always wonder how much sex is reasonable for them; how much is enough for a couple; or whether they are "normal" compared to others. People really want to know if their relationship is healthy. They always wonder if they are meeting their partner's needs or if their partner is meeting their needs? Is it too much or too little?
Sometimes the fastest way to find the answer is to ask your partner, but not everyone is open enough or knows how to lead their sexual story. So we always look for answers outside, from friends, from strangers instead of asking our partners. But at least they’ve spun their circular thinking into a question, suggesting that they think their relationship might be in danger because of this concern.
Differential Desires
The question of sexual frequency often comes up when one partner is less than satisfied with the amount of sex they’re having. This differential desire occurs when one partner wants more or less than the other, which is common in committed relationships. It’s also possible that both partners are dissatisfied with the frequency of their sex.
The good news is that marital satisfaction isn’t simply a function of sexual frequency. In fact, couples are more concerned about the quality of their sex than about how often they have sex. Some interesting “facts” about sexual needs are shown in some studies on marital satisfaction below, which share that:
In general, frequency and satisfaction decrease as couples stay together longer. [1]
Sexual frequency decreases when we consider other factors such as work, housework, children, physical or physiological factors, other related issues, etc. [1]
Sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction are both inversely correlated with divorce rates. In other words, when one rate increases, the other rate decreases. [2]
A study published in 2015 looked at more than 2,400 married couples and found that in a marital relationship, the more sex a couple has, the happier they are. However, interestingly, happiness peaks when they have sex once a week. [3]
Why is once a week the ideal number?
In general, single people tend to have sex more than those who are married (either married or not). Studies show that the average frequency of sex for married couples is once a week. Age is also a factor in whether our sex drive increases or decreases, and that is largely based on whether our sex hormone levels are high or low.
Most people strive to be happier, and sex is an aspect of life that is associated with increased happiness and pleasure. But too little is bad, and too much is also bad. This limit can be thought of as a relationship equivalent to the law of diminishing returns. This law states that as you add more workers to get the job done, productivity increases, but only up to a point. After that point, efficiency decreases. So having sex once or twice a month may not be enough, and having sex more than once a week does not increase happiness, and may even make you and your partner less interested in sex.
Couples who often think about whether their frequency is “normal” are the ones who seem to be dissatisfied with their sexual needs. However, there are older and more long-term couples, for whom sex will not be as frequent as other young or middle-aged couples, instead, satisfaction is expressed overall in many other ways (caressing gestures, remembering some of the other person's old habits, ...).
This means that you will need to invest in the "quality" of a love affair more than investing in the frequency of sex. Improving skills + balancing sexual frequency will help you (your partner) be satisfied with sex at every stage of the relationship.
